Monday, April 8, 2013

Back To Normal

I have decided to suspend this IVF ride.  I want to be normal and I want to stop worrying.  I would also like to fit into my pants that loved me before this journey caused me to eat like a starving pig.

My husband is not happy with my decision. I am sorry to disappoint him, but he's not the one juggling dreams of 'success and babies' and then 'failure and suicide.'  The range of emotions I deal with every second has probably sent many folks to a shrink.  Thanks to my expensive ass IVF bill, I can't afford a shrink.  I have to do what I think is best.  I think it's best to bow out.  I wish I would have made this decision before the loan, the IVF and the embryos, but I can't change history. I can only do what I have to do now.

I'm not going to risk putting two embryos in my uterus when there is such strong concern about the fibroids.  It's really upsetting because I kept asking the doctor about this and she kept assuring me everything was OK....until Friday.

I don't know what to do now. I don't want another surgery and I don't want to put my embryos at risk.  So either I will figure this out or I will drink myself into oblivion.  Isn't my life awesome?

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