Friday, January 31, 2014

The Late Exchange

Me: "Should I expect my cycle to be 6 days later than normal because I had hcg in my system after my period started?"

Witch Doctor: "check a pregnancy test. do you have any at home?!! :)"

Me: "Yes, but I'm not wasting that:-)  I think it will be here by Monday.  I just always like a reason for things."

Witch Doctor: :There's no other reason except late ovulation or pregnancy.  Keep in touch"

Do you see why I want to strangle Witch Doctor (probably not because you're probably sane)?  I really wanted to say, "COME ON, MAN!"

I've only been trying to get pregnant for the better part of eight years.  Please believe that if I ever achieve pregnancy, it won't be naturally.  There comes a time in every Infertile's life when she has to accept that (if that's the case for her.  I know there are others who can get pregnant naturally, but have other issues).

I really think that I just ovulated late or maybe this will be the month that I don't get a period. Not getting my period at all this month would be really nice, considering last cycle's monster cramps. But that's wishful thinking.  I have the normal pre-period symptoms. They started yesterday, which is four days after my period "should" have started.

Now, I'll probably have to start my precious weekend with Aunt Flo.  That B*tch!

By the way, Wednesday my Bestie told me she was 8 weeks pregnant.  I'm happy for her, but sad for me.  Really sad for me.  *shoulder shrug*

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Suckers Are Back!

"I'll become an expert at butt massages by the end of the day."

That is the quote of the day from my beloved husband.  We went back to the Witch Doctor today.  I know. I know.  To borrow part of an expression from "Brokeback Mountain", I just can't quit her.

We have decided to go for a fresh IVF in the fantastic month of March.  At the moment, my period is one day late.  I was kind of mad about that, until I spoke with Witch Doctor.  The timing could work out so that I don't have to take Birth Control pills this time.  Hooray!

We didn't really want to talk about the previous cycle because I'm pretty sure we both believe my failure to take my thyroid meds torpedoed that situation.  Anyways, I've been popping those pills since the big fat negative.  Witch Doctor drew my blood to test the TSH levels again.  We are hoping that they are in the 2 range so I don't have to change medication.

It's been weeks since my last progesterone shot and I still have some surface butt soreness.  I asked Witch Doctor about it and she told me that I may need to go to a masseuse to request a butt massage.  Hubby was more than happy to volunteer his free services.  He later dropped that gem of a quote above on me: "I'll become an expert at butt massages by the end of the day."  But I digress...

Even though I still think PGS/PGD is a waste of thousands of dollars since chromosomally normal embryos laugh at my uterus and vanish, we will pay for it again.  However, Witch Doctor didn't press for it because she said I've proven that I can make normal blastocysts.  What she didn't mention was I've also proven that really doesn't matter because my four beautiful "blastos" didn't stand a chance.

The Hubs and I are excited.  We didn't get into the details of the protocol because we are waiting for my period to start, but I think I'll probably have the same cocktail: a little Menopaur and Bravelle, mixed with a shot of Human Growth Hormone.

Don't let my excitement fool you though.  I'm still very concerned.  If this one doesn't work, we will have only one more shot on this particular insurance.  Lucky for me, I'm not married to this job, although I am thankful for it.  Soooo, maybe I'll find another place with a new round of IVF coverage waiting for me?  I guess I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself.

It's so funny that after my last retrieval, I told my husband to think about us donating our remaining embryos to help someone else. LOL!  I needed every one of those damn things.  This time I'm just hoping to get a good number of healthy eggs that fertilize.  Here's to hoping one of them will stick and grow, right?


My dogs are absolutely crazy.  Roxie loves Wally:-)  Our puppy is four months old.  He has all of his shots and he'll begin obedience classes this Sunday (thank the Lord).  He is super energetic and curious.  I can't keep up with him, which is a good thing.  I think I've mentioned before that I lost five pounds after getting him.  Roxie is getting skinny too:-)  The Hubby and I enjoy working together to find ways to entertain him.  I think Wally is the reason I didn't gain weight during the last transfer.  Now, if the trend continues for the next retrieval, I'll love that dog forever.

I would include a new picture of my pack, but I don't really have one that I like.  They are always moving fast and my camera moves slow:-(

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Is This Normal?

I woke up on the first day of the New Year excited.  My cycle started.  I felt normal.  To me, it was a new beginning.  I was feeling so good that I even wished the Witch Doctor happy New Year, as I notified her via email that my period had finally come.  Yesss!!

The Hubs and I went to breakfast, chatted, laughed, then BOOM!  I got the mother of all cramps.  OMG.  I have had some bad ones in the past, but these were pretty strong.  And guess what?  We only had one freaking advil pill in the house.  OMG.  I was pacing back and forth.  My uterus was angry and she spread her disgust to my digestive system.  Let's just say I had stuff coming out from both ends.  This was NO BUENO.  Hubby rushed to store to get more advil, pick up a heating pad and get me some real pads.  The body was not happy with my choice of tampons.

And speaking of feminine products, there are so many options.  My Husband called me frantically trying to figure out which package would be best.  He's such an awesome man.  My Dad refused to buy pads for me, as a teen when he went grocery shopping.  So this beautiful man of mine having the guts to pick them up in my time of crisis, is just wonderful.

Once again I digress.

I emailed Witch Doctor to update her on my situation.  I was like, "Is this normal?"  She said, "Yes!"  What?  She said since there was a "pregnancy" things would be rough. Ugh! Then she called and wanted me to describe the pain.  I won't lie.  I am not good at that at all.  I said something like, "It hurts straight across the middle and down to my feet."

She told me to keep her posted because she wanted to make sure that she didn't miss the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy.  I was thinking.....NO WAY! She is obviously crazy.  Anyway, she told me to get day three blood work, along with another beta.

Two days later, I got the job done, which probably surprised her since I'd been rebelling lately.  Get this: my beta was a 10.  Yes. A TEN!  Just like before.  So now I have to go back again on Monday to test and make sure this particular ten is the result of the numbers going down.

Strangely, I am not upset or nervous.  I was for a second and threatened to spend my weekend on Google, but Witch Doctor says she is Dr. Google and has all of my answers.  I was thinking--- oh no she didn't!  I'm the real Dr. Google.

Anyway, I really don't think anything is wrong.  I think the numbers are going down.  The Husband and I are just trying to understand our insurance a little better.  We think it counts an FET as a full IVF, so we won't be wasting insurance on an FET for that solo embryo, as we are only covered for three cycles.  (Did I mention my butt is still sore from those progesterone shots?  That stuff is the devil!)

I know everyday my plan for the future changes, but at the moment we're pretty content with the idea of stemming for eggs in March.  I'm back on thyroid medicine.  Ugh!  Apparently, a TSH of 5 isn't a good sign whether you're seeking infertility treatment or not.  It's on the cusp of high.

I feel good better now, but I really think the meds did a number on me this time.  I mean, I'm still not entirely excited about my job, but I can HANDLE the frustration the way I'm used to dealing with stuff.  Last month while I was pumped full of estrogen and progesterone, I was ready to quit and move to a homeless shelter.  I had no fight left.  Ridiculous!

I'm dumping the shrink too.  I went through all of this and didn't need or want to talk to her.  I'm tired of talking to her about it.  I definitely needed her when I started, but I don't think it's necessary now.  Plus, she's a really strong defender of the Witch Doctor.  It's hard to vent my frustrations to someone who is apparently her friend.  I knew they were colleagues, as Witch Doctor gave me her name, but I didn't know they were Besties.  Ugh!  But I don't know.  Next week, I might lose my little mind again.  So, we'll see.