Saturday, November 29, 2014


My blog is filled with so much anger and frustration.  If I died tomorrow and someone found this thing, they wouldn't know that I've lived a pretty charmed life.  I wanted to use this space to acknowledge that I'm not bitter all the time.  In most cases, I'm smiling, even when I'm hurting.

Even though I've been more than successful at creating debt, while failing to create babies, I've been gainfully employed.  I am BEYOND GRATEFUL for my job.  It's not my dream job, but I'd rather have it than nothing at all.

Finding out about the ectopic thing and losing my tube sucked, but it happened in the best possible way for me.  I am thankful for my mental health, and I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have recovered from the surgery the way I did.

I have amazing parents and a fantastic husband who dropped everything to get me through that moment.  I didn't even realize how much I needed that support, until it was all over.  I don't know how to properly thank them or repay them.

I have the strangest dogs on Earth.  My sweet little Roxie only likes to sleep in the bed all day.  My Wally is energetic, but hates strangers.  Lord, is he a work in progress, but both of them keep me smiling on my saddest days.  After my surgery, I knew I had to get moving.  Not for myself, but because I had to get Wally back into his dog park and walk routine.  It seems dumb, but I didn't sit around saying, "woe is me."  I got my sore ass out the bed and moved.

I'm thankful to just be alive and I'm thankful for my strange sense of humor.  If my rants help one person who feels as alone as I've felt on this journey, I am thankful for that too.

Now that I've gotten that out, I'll go back to my bitter infertile tone.  I've got to go now.  A disgusting spoon of Royal Bee Jelly awaits me.


  1. Hah! I think people would feel the same way about me if they read my blog. But then again, the whole reason I started it was to give me a place to vent about the shittiness of infertility so that I wouldn't have all that bitterness spilling over into my real life where I have to interact with people face to face without crying or killing them. I'm glad you're up and about and having fun with the doggies!

  2. I'm sorry that I stopped following for so long...and even more sorry about the lost tube. I don't think you're bitter. Just honest, and grieving. Thinking of you!

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