Tuesday, March 4, 2014

I Was Right

I went to Witch Doctor for the ol' ultrasound and guess what?  My fibroids have doubled in size since my first visit with her in December of 2012.  One is beginning to obstruct her view of my right ovary.
Her recommendation?  Retrieve some eggs, try to make some embryos, freeze them and get my largest fibroids removed.

I have made an appointment with some specialist at Stanford.  He's supposed to be some world renowned expert on Fibroids and Endrometriosis.  What does that mean to me?  Jack shit!  My last surgeon was all special with multiple titles.

Once again, I'm angry, heartbroken and confused.  I feel like I have no one to talk to about this.  My husband is the eternal optimist, and it feels like he's ignoring my concerns.  My mother and I really just can't talk about this subject in a meaningful way.  My soon-to-be-ex-bestie is pregnant and I don't want to bog her down my tragic tale.  The shrink is pretty much useless.  That leaves me feeling very alone.

I'm treading water over here.  I'm barely keeping my head afloat.  No matter what, I have to get some type of surgery AGAIN.  I didn't want another one.  I didn't like the first one.  I don't like surgeries.  Everyone pretends like they're no big deal, except they are.  People are cutting you open, exposing your insides, while you're passed out on the table.  You have to hope and pray that the surgeon is having a good day and doesn't fuck you up.  And even if he stitches you back up with flying colors, you have to pray the nurses in recovery actually know what they're doing.  My last post-op experience wasn't great.

Anyway, I wish there was a reset button I could press for this life, but that's not possible.  So, I'll just keep treading.

Well on a happier note, Wally, my pup, passed his training class.  Now, we're going to basic manners two.  AND I'm back in the jeans I wore when I first met Witch Doctor.  WooHoo!  I looked at some of the pictures after my first failure, and I was a whale.  People pretended they didn't see me carrying 10 to 15 pounds of pain.  Ridiculous.


  1. Surgeries are a big deal. I hate it when medical types pretend that they aren't, because any medical type that has been on the other side realizes they they are. Im sorry the fibroids are back, that sucks. Its easy for people to be irritatingly optimistic about others peoples problems so I wont do that to you, I'll just offer to listen anytime you need to vent.

  2. Erika, I'm so sorry that you're getting more bad news yet again. Surgery IS a bit deal (says the girl who hasn't had any) and I wish you had someone in your real life who you felt like you could rely on. You always have us, for what it's worth.

    1. Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

  3. Is the fibroid obstructing the uterine cavity at all? Depending on where it's located, it may not affect implantation. So before getting cut again, try to find out where it is in relation to the cavity. If not in the cavity, you should be fine. And once pregnant, it will actually start to shrink. good luck

    1. The fibroids are not obstructing the uterine cavity. The last ones I had removed were. However, the doctor thinks that I am apart of the unlucky 1/3 of fibroids patients whose fibroids grow during pregnancy. She's basing this off of my last chemical pregnancy/failed transfer. Before that transfer, her view of my right ovary was not obstructed.

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