Saturday, December 1, 2012

Growing Excitement

I am so excited about my upcoming visit to the reproductive endocrinologist. I am so enthusiastic that I have to calm myself down. As you've probably guessed, when it comes to this infertility thing, there is no in between for me.  My emotions are extremely high or extremely low.  It's definitely something I'm trying to work on.

Anyway...I've been googling this doctor like crazy.  She keeps an awesome website that answers some of the frequently asked questions about infertility. I looked at her reviews on Yelp and every one of them was positive, even the ones from women who still are not pregnant.  Someone from her office has already called to update me on my insurance and what it covers, which isn't much as I've mentioned before.  I told her my concerns about the cost and how I planned to approach the situation (trying to save like there's no tomorrow and asking for a lay-away plan. ha!).  She was so polite and didn't try to sugar coat things for me.  That only made me more optimistic about seeing this doctor.

As I get closer and closer to the visit, I have to remind myself that she can't get me pregnant that day.  I am not going to walk out of that place pregnant after the first appointment.  As I've learned before, doctors are not God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes they are a mechanism used to help your miracle, but they cannot cough up miracles like a vending machine.

I have so many questions for this doctor, yet I'm afraid I'll clam up when I'm in her presence.  As I've mentioned before I hope that my cervix is the only thing keeping me from pregnancy and the birth of a healthy baby.  With that said, I think there are only two things that can help me: intrauterine/cervical insemination or in vitro fertilization.  I am not a doctor and I am not anything close to an expert, but (insert sarcasm here) I have watched a lot of episodes of Deliver Me and a Baby Story (I'm really joking).

My husband is going with me on this first visit and he assures me that he'll help me get through this in the best way possible.  He smiles when I get all giddy about the upcoming appointment and encourages me to keep talking to him.  At this moment, I really couldn't ask for a better person to have by side.  I'm a handful when it comes to this infertility thing and he pretends like he has the biggest hands in the world.

I must say I am filled with hope right now and it scares me.  The last time I had a lot of hope, I didn't get the ending I wanted.  I'm just trying to stay grounded and realistic, but without the pessimism.  I'm sure the actual visit will be the reality check I need.

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