Saturday, August 24, 2013

More Shrink Talk

My shrink told me I don't know how to handle pain and sadness.

I was like, "Whaaaaat?"

She says you have to teach yourself.  It's kind of like  learning to hold your breath under water for as long as you can, until your defense mechanisms kick in and propel you back to the surface.

I was like "Huh?"

 Who WANTS the ability to deal with sadness?  Shouldn't you do all you can to make it go away immediately?  You smile, push away the pain and sadness, and eliminate all reminders of it.  And Bam!  Things are right with the world again.
Anyway, the shrink's words tumbled around in my brain all day.  I realized that whatever she paid for her degrees,  may have helped her stump me on this one. HA!

I couldn't push away the pain of my FET failure and I couldn't get rid of all the reminders.  When I failed at the "make-myself-ok" mission I'd successfully completed so many times  in the past,  I snapped.  I lost all control and tried to make myself disappear because I was the reminder of the pain. 

"What does crying get you?  Nothing!" 

That's what my Mother used to tell me.  It was my motto for a long time.  As I 
got older, I allowed myself to cry more, but I viewed it as a growing weakness.  
I mean...I guess what I'm trying to say is sadness is a weakness to me.  That's why I tried so hard to quickly get over my FET, but all of my attempts failed miserably.

I still don't understand how one learns to handle sadness and pain, without being just a sad person to be around.  I guess I have to work to understand that, but I did realize that my ideas about sadness are the real weakness.  I hope to correct it in the future.

I don't know what's next for me, but as usual, I hope it includes weight loss:-)


  1. Sounds like your mom might have taught you (without meaning to) that emotions are bad and you have to push them away instead of dealing with them. And to deal with them, you have to let yourself feel them (even if they're shitty) for a while. Looks like this shrink stuff might be paying off!

    1. Man, Aramis! I won't lie, each week I leave with a string of jokes about my sessions because it really is quite funny to tell this stranger so much. But this last visit REALLY opened my eyes about me and how I operate.

      I'm still a bit embarrassed that I go to a shrink and still very shocked that it helps.

  2. I can definitely relate to not being able to deal with sadness or negative emotions. It is something that I am working on myself. I have been following your blog. And although, I understand the pain associated with a failed FET (I have had 2mmc, 2 failed IVF's and have fibroids), I hope you can continue to push forward and try again. I just had a successful FET, and although i'm quite early, it was all so worth it for a chance to bring home a baby.

    1. Thanks, LadyW.
      I am pushing forward, but I'm not sure if or when I will make another attempt.
      I have to make sure I can handle all outcomes. I never want to feel the sadness I felt before, if I can avoid it.
      I shall follow your journey and share in your joy:-)