Thursday, December 26, 2013

10

Today my Beta was a 10.  Hooray for failure...again.  Guys, this hurt so bad.  I balled my eyes out in a parking lot next to my job.  I really wish Witch Doctor would have just called it a failure on Monday.  At least I would have had two days off to recover.  Instead, I spent Christmas angry.  Now, I'm at work ashy-faced because I can't stop crying.

I told Witch Doctor that we didn't want to transfer the last embryo.  I told her we'd go straight for the next egg retrieval.   It's mainly because I hate those progesterone shots.  But I'm pretty sure it's not the right move.  I don't know.  I really need a new doctor or something.

Anyway she said my TSH levels were a 5.5.  I guess I should have stayed on those meds, huh?  I'm still not sure about that situation.

She tried to give me that false hope again saying I could stay on the meds another night and maybe something miraculous would happen.  While I still believe in God, I'm not in the business of believing in petty miracles.  A miracle to save my Mom?  Yes.  I'm all game.  A miracle to save a weak "pregnancy?" No thank you.

So I guess I get to add the ol' Chemical to my timeline.  Never had that before.  The funny part is that I've still never seen a real positive home test, except for the time after my IUI.  I thought maybe home tests just didn't work for me, so I peed on one when I knew I still had HCG from the trigger in my system.  It was amazing to see that positive.  But I digress....

My poor husband isn't taking this so well, and I'm of absolutely no help to him. I'm too angry to offer any comfort.

You chicks who keep doing this...I don't know if anyone has told you, but you're amazing. AMAZING.  People don't even know.

So...anyone want to take bets on when my period will start.  I'd appreciate anything past a week from now and preferably on a Saturday.

8 comments:

  1. I am so sorry! This just really sucks. I am thinking of you!

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  2. This is just awful. I wish your RE had just told you it was negative if there was no hope. I'm so so sorry.

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    Replies
    1. Me too:-( this is all feeling like a big waste of time and emotions.

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  3. You are 9 days post transfer, right? I agree that the levels are low, but I also agree with a "Witch Doc." that anything can still happen. I don't want to give you a false hope, but i'll be praying for the positive.

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    Replies
    1. thanks for the prayers. I stopped the meds. My Beta should have been a 25 by day 9. It's just not going to happens this time.

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  4. Im so sorry I still am hoping the best for you I don't know how we can keep doing this over and over again its so hard and scary and unknown. They are amazing as are you and me we all are warriors going through the unimaginable to have a baby

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