Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Good Ol' Cry

I had myself a nice cry today.  My period is due in two days and I KNOW it is coming, but I still couldn't fight the urge to take a pregnancy test today.  As usual, it delivered a swift "not pregnant" and I produced a steady flow of tears.

*sigh* I know it was dumb to take the test, but I was hoping for a pleasant surprise.  Every person on Facebook seems to be pregnant, my co-worker is getting more pregnant by the day... and... I... just don't have the words for the sadness I feel.

My mother visited this weekend and reminded me of ALL the blessings in my life.  She told me not to rush God or get angry with him because I don't have a baby yet. I understood her message, but I'm human. It hurts not to get what you want when you want it, especially when you've been wanting it for what feels like your entire life.

With each passing month and each Aunt Flo, it becomes more clear that my surgery was not the miracle I'd hoped for. I'll have to do some more work or I may have to accept that fact that I'll never have children of my own. Do you know how heartbreaking that is? Do you know how much that hurts?

Oh well... onward and upward. I can't let this kill me because it has already broken me. 

Since I've probably depressed the heck out of you, I figured I'd leave you with a beautiful flower.  It certainly made me smile. I hope it does the same for you as well.

The hubby gave me white roses just because:-)

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