Questions Answered

In my mind, someone is interviewing me about this ridiculous cycle.  So below are my answers.

This is day 41.  What the (insert desired curse word here)?  My period still has not come home.  She is missing!!!!

Witch Doctor told me to take progesterone for the next seven nights.  Thank goodness I still had some progesterone capsules from December 2012.  Those bastards were $200 bucks because my insurance did not cover them.  So, I guess it's good that they'll get some use?

My thyroid medication has been making me feel unsettled.  As I told Witch Doctor it's just short of nauseous.  Out of an abundance of precaution, I am taking a blood test tomorrow.  We will check HCG and T-whatever levels (all the stuff connected to my beloved, but under active thyroid).

Side note: Maybe my stomach has been unsettled because I'm hungry?

I asked Witch Doctor if she wanted to take bets on the HCG results.  She said no.  She is so not fun.  I would have only bet a dollar, since I know from the FIVE home tests I've taken that I am as far from pregnant as one can get.  I know she can spare a dollar, I've given her about $35,000 so far.

Now I wonder if I should just let this lack of a period linger until I 'm ready for stemming.  I didn't ask Witch Doctor because I felt that I'd reached my email quota for the day with her.  There's only so much she and I can take of each other.  I guess I'll ask tomorrow.

Hey Period, I'm Over Here!

I am on Cycle Day 37.  Don't get excited.  I am still NOT pregnant.  I know this because I've taken FOUR pregnancy tests.  Yes, they were all negative.  Normally, when I take a test my period finds me quickly.  This time around, the B*tch is still missing or lost or something.

I'm ready to order a lighted billboard to show Mrs. Period where to find me.  She's obviously confused somewhere.  WTF?

Let's all entertain ourselves with my latest exchange with Witch Doctor (WD).

Me:  "In case you're wondering, my period still has not found me.  I blame the weather."

WD:  "Could very much be the weather.  Or still a late ovulation and pregnancy (sorry to be so annoying about that)  omg, I must be so annoying!"

WELLLLLL..... No words have ever been more true:-) At least she knows she's annoying.  I can't get too mad because I'm sure I'm annoying the hell out of her too.  This is one of the reasons I keep giving her my money.  When I'm panicked, she finds time to personally respond to even the most ridiculous of my emails. 

So here's the thing.  I think Mrs. Period will find her way home by Monday.  I went from being consistently crampy to the point where I thought she was coming, to feeling pretty calm in the uterus.  That's the normal sign that she's on the way.  As I've mentioned in my last two posts, this is the longest time she's ever stayed away during a natural cycle.  Again, I've never had a cycle longer than 29/30 days in the last three years for sure.

I am still hoping for some sort of March egg retrieval.

I wonder...

I wonder what it's like to have a late period and actually have a chance of being pregnant. 

Wanted: My Damn Period

This is officially the longest non-medication-assisted cycle of my life, or at least since I've been keeping record of it.  I really don't think I've ever had one more than 29/30 days.  Today, I am on cycle day 34.  I took a pregnancy test Saturday and Sunday.  As expected, they were negative.

I have been researching to see why this is happening.  The best that I can come up with is late ovulation, which I've had before, but never THIS late.  I think it was so late because I had a nasty cold the week I was supposed to ovulate.  I was so sick that I had to take off two days of work.  I really should have taken off three days.  I hadn't been that sick since 2005.   Dr. Google says flu and or a bad colds can throw off your cycle.  Since I have some period symptoms like very, very mild cramps, I know that my period is coming.  I just hate this waiting.  Normally, she pops up between days 24 and 27.  Before my last transfer, she was consistently a 27-day type chick for three months.

I am so nervous because I fear this late cycle could be a signal of a change or something.  Although, I never get pregnant my body seems to always do what it's supposed to do, except get pregnant.  So I'm afraid something is off.  Paranoid?  Why yes I am.

Soooo sidenote:  While doing laundry yesterday, I found out where my husband has been hiding all of the expensive pregnancy tests (the ones that you don't have to pee in a cup, then dip the stick int he cup).  I thought I had some left, but when I searched for them during my last transfer, I couldn't find them.  LOL!  Homeboy was hiding them in his bottom drawer.  He is so cute.  LOL!

The Late Exchange

Me: "Should I expect my cycle to be 6 days later than normal because I had hcg in my system after my period started?"


Witch Doctor: "check a pregnancy test. do you have any at home?!! :)"


Me: "Yes, but I'm not wasting that:-)  I think it will be here by Monday.  I just always like a reason for things."


Witch Doctor: :There's no other reason except late ovulation or pregnancy.  Keep in touch"




Do you see why I want to strangle Witch Doctor (probably not because you're probably sane)?  I really wanted to say, "COME ON, MAN!"


I've only been trying to get pregnant for the better part of eight years.  Please believe that if I ever achieve pregnancy, it won't be naturally.  There comes a time in every Infertile's life when she has to accept that (if that's the case for her.  I know there are others who can get pregnant naturally, but have other issues).


I really think that I just ovulated late or maybe this will be the month that I don't get a period. Not getting my period at all this month would be really nice, considering last cycle's monster cramps. But that's wishful thinking.  I have the normal pre-period symptoms. They started yesterday, which is four days after my period "should" have started.


Now, I'll probably have to start my precious weekend with Aunt Flo.  That B*tch!


By the way, Wednesday my Bestie told me she was 8 weeks pregnant.  I'm happy for her, but sad for me.  Really sad for me.  *shoulder shrug*

The Suckers Are Back!

"I'll become an expert at butt massages by the end of the day."

That is the quote of the day from my beloved husband.  We went back to the Witch Doctor today.  I know. I know.  To borrow part of an expression from "Brokeback Mountain", I just can't quit her.

We have decided to go for a fresh IVF in the fantastic month of March.  At the moment, my period is one day late.  I was kind of mad about that, until I spoke with Witch Doctor.  The timing could work out so that I don't have to take Birth Control pills this time.  Hooray!

We didn't really want to talk about the previous cycle because I'm pretty sure we both believe my failure to take my thyroid meds torpedoed that situation.  Anyways, I've been popping those pills since the big fat negative.  Witch Doctor drew my blood to test the TSH levels again.  We are hoping that they are in the 2 range so I don't have to change medication.

It's been weeks since my last progesterone shot and I still have some surface butt soreness.  I asked Witch Doctor about it and she told me that I may need to go to a masseuse to request a butt massage.  Hubby was more than happy to volunteer his free services.  He later dropped that gem of a quote above on me: "I'll become an expert at butt massages by the end of the day."  But I digress...

Even though I still think PGS/PGD is a waste of thousands of dollars since chromosomally normal embryos laugh at my uterus and vanish, we will pay for it again.  However, Witch Doctor didn't press for it because she said I've proven that I can make normal blastocysts.  What she didn't mention was I've also proven that really doesn't matter because my four beautiful "blastos" didn't stand a chance.

The Hubs and I are excited.  We didn't get into the details of the protocol because we are waiting for my period to start, but I think I'll probably have the same cocktail: a little Menopaur and Bravelle, mixed with a shot of Human Growth Hormone.

Don't let my excitement fool you though.  I'm still very concerned.  If this one doesn't work, we will have only one more shot on this particular insurance.  Lucky for me, I'm not married to this job, although I am thankful for it.  Soooo, maybe I'll find another place with a new round of IVF coverage waiting for me?  I guess I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself.

It's so funny that after my last retrieval, I told my husband to think about us donating our remaining embryos to help someone else. LOL!  I needed every one of those damn things.  This time I'm just hoping to get a good number of healthy eggs that fertilize.  Here's to hoping one of them will stick and grow, right?


WALLY AND ROXIE UPDATE:

My dogs are absolutely crazy.  Roxie loves Wally:-)  Our puppy is four months old.  He has all of his shots and he'll begin obedience classes this Sunday (thank the Lord).  He is super energetic and curious.  I can't keep up with him, which is a good thing.  I think I've mentioned before that I lost five pounds after getting him.  Roxie is getting skinny too:-)  The Hubby and I enjoy working together to find ways to entertain him.  I think Wally is the reason I didn't gain weight during the last transfer.  Now, if the trend continues for the next retrieval, I'll love that dog forever.

I would include a new picture of my pack, but I don't really have one that I like.  They are always moving fast and my camera moves slow:-(

Is This Normal?

I woke up on the first day of the New Year excited.  My cycle started.  I felt normal.  To me, it was a new beginning.  I was feeling so good that I even wished the Witch Doctor happy New Year, as I notified her via email that my period had finally come.  Yesss!!

The Hubs and I went to breakfast, chatted, laughed, then BOOM!  I got the mother of all cramps.  OMG.  I have had some bad ones in the past, but these were pretty strong.  And guess what?  We only had one freaking advil pill in the house.  OMG.  I was pacing back and forth.  My uterus was angry and she spread her disgust to my digestive system.  Let's just say I had stuff coming out from both ends.  This was NO BUENO.  Hubby rushed to store to get more advil, pick up a heating pad and get me some real pads.  The body was not happy with my choice of tampons.

And speaking of feminine products, there are so many options.  My Husband called me frantically trying to figure out which package would be best.  He's such an awesome man.  My Dad refused to buy pads for me, as a teen when he went grocery shopping.  So this beautiful man of mine having the guts to pick them up in my time of crisis, is just wonderful.

Once again I digress.

I emailed Witch Doctor to update her on my situation.  I was like, "Is this normal?"  She said, "Yes!"  What?  She said since there was a "pregnancy" things would be rough. Ugh! Then she called and wanted me to describe the pain.  I won't lie.  I am not good at that at all.  I said something like, "It hurts straight across the middle and down to my feet."

She told me to keep her posted because she wanted to make sure that she didn't miss the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy.  I was thinking.....NO WAY! She is obviously crazy.  Anyway, she told me to get day three blood work, along with another beta.

Two days later, I got the job done, which probably surprised her since I'd been rebelling lately.  Get this: my beta was a 10.  Yes. A TEN!  Just like before.  So now I have to go back again on Monday to test and make sure this particular ten is the result of the numbers going down.

Strangely, I am not upset or nervous.  I was for a second and threatened to spend my weekend on Google, but Witch Doctor says she is Dr. Google and has all of my answers.  I was thinking--- oh no she didn't!  I'm the real Dr. Google.

Anyway, I really don't think anything is wrong.  I think the numbers are going down.  The Husband and I are just trying to understand our insurance a little better.  We think it counts an FET as a full IVF, so we won't be wasting insurance on an FET for that solo embryo, as we are only covered for three cycles.  (Did I mention my butt is still sore from those progesterone shots?  That stuff is the devil!)

I know everyday my plan for the future changes, but at the moment we're pretty content with the idea of stemming for eggs in March.  I'm back on thyroid medicine.  Ugh!  Apparently, a TSH of 5 isn't a good sign whether you're seeking infertility treatment or not.  It's on the cusp of high.

I feel good better now, but I really think the meds did a number on me this time.  I mean, I'm still not entirely excited about my job, but I can HANDLE the frustration the way I'm used to dealing with stuff.  Last month while I was pumped full of estrogen and progesterone, I was ready to quit and move to a homeless shelter.  I had no fight left.  Ridiculous!

I'm dumping the shrink too.  I went through all of this and didn't need or want to talk to her.  I'm tired of talking to her about it.  I definitely needed her when I started, but I don't think it's necessary now.  Plus, she's a really strong defender of the Witch Doctor.  It's hard to vent my frustrations to someone who is apparently her friend.  I knew they were colleagues, as Witch Doctor gave me her name, but I didn't know they were Besties.  Ugh!  But I don't know.  Next week, I might lose my little mind again.  So, we'll see.