I Should Be Pissed

I should be pissed.  This IVF is a failure and is being converted into an IUI, but at the moment I don't care.  What?  The Hubs and I triggered last night and we go in for the "catheter dance" tomorrow morning.  I've got about four or five follicles, but only one really big one.  Witch Doc, thought she could get one blast out of that, but understood it wouldn't be worth risking our IVF insurance on it.  So, IUI it is.

Now the surgeon...Whew!  My appointment was at 11:30am.  His office is an hour drive from my home, without traffic.  We got there at 11am, fill out papers, get comfy and then....DUDE IS NOT IN THE OFFICE.  His staff claimed he was in emergency surgery.  (uh huh Sure!)  They asked us to return at about 12:30, but at 12ish, I got a call saying it will be closer to 1pm.  I got UPSET and cancelled the damn appointment, but my level-headed husband made me call them back and reverse that decision.  UGH! However, I let them know that it was totally unprofessional for them not to call us ahead of time.  I understand emergency surgeries, but that is why surgeons hire a staff.  It is the staff's duty to make sure all meetings are cancelled and all impacted parties are notified.  They apologized, but it didn't change the fact that this mess turned into a 6 hour doctor visit.

The Surgeon never touched me.  His niece, who is a doctor, examined me.  She explained how they would do the procedure very thoroughly and she was actually quite nice and contrite about being late.  We didn't see the Surgeon, until about 4!  He was also apologetic, but here's the thing:  I wanted to see him, so I could hate him and NOT have to worry about this surgery anymore.  I did NOT hate him.  He was very pleasant, confident and appeared honest.

I left confused and cried in the car.  It wasn't the "woe-is-me" cry.  It was more like the "what-the-hell-am-I-supposed-to-do" cry.  *sigh*

Anyway, I'm glad I took the day off work for those shenanigans because I was a mess.  I thought I would get really sad, and there were moments when I almost did, but my husband kept working with me.  In the end, I was ok.  All in all, it was a good day.

Now back to the IUI.  WHAT IN THE HELL?  What am I supposed to do with a damn IUI?  It is like a really bad joke, right?  I can't wait until Saturday.  I am going to drink so many mojitoes that I may just sleep at the bar.

Lame!

This cycle is looking quite lame.  It's so lame that Doc told me there is a chance we may have to convert to IUI, so that I don't waste any of my insurance money.  Yikes!  I've got about four follicles popping at the moment.  That's a far cry from the 11 that were doing back flips during the last cycle.  So what have we learned?  Maybe acupuncture really does work.

Of course Witch Doctor delivers this news with the most positive spin, so I didn't immediately freak out.  I should also add that it was really early in the morning for me (I work the equivalent of a second shift, so I prefer to be a late riser.  However, Wally has taken that away from me).  I started to cry a little in the car, and Hubby consoled me.  I really don't have time to feel sorry for myself at the moment because I just went through the dogs' morning routine.  This is my first chance to sit down.  It's 11am.  I got home from the doctor's office at 8:30am.

Doc says these are the results she expected from me during the last IVF.  This is more in line with my DOR (bad eggs).  *sigh*  Anyway, I go see the surgeon on Wednesday, so I better get off of here and go fill out my new patient forms.

If you pray, and you want to pray for me, don't pray for my IVF or the quality of eggs.  Please  ask that I'm strong enough to accept whatever the outcome is.  Thanks.

Now, off to fill out forms that ask way more questions than I care to answer:-)

I'm A Fool

Happy April Fool's Day!  Want to know a secret?  I start stemming tonight for an egg retrieval.  I don't know who is paying for this mess.  My insurance changed.  Yes. Changed.  That means it no longer offers the three tries.  It only offers ONE.  AND, I need some pre-authorization.  I may truly be screwed, but I figured I'd pay the little pre fees and if I can't come up with the rest, oh well....PAYMENT PLAN.


That makes me a what?  A DAMN FOOL (that's worse than being a sucker).  *bows and waives to the crowd*

In case you're wondering what's in my medicine bag this time around, I'll drop a few expensive names. I have menopur, follistim, ganirelix and HGH.  Woot Woot!  The insurance covered 85% up to $5,000.   I apparently went over because I got hit with a $1300 bill.  I wondered how that happened, since last time I paid out of pocket and I don't remember topping 5 grand.  Well, last time I had bravelle.  That stuff is cheaper because it comes in powder form and doesn't need a fancy pen and needles like follistim.  I wish Witch Doctor and the gang would have let a Player know.  I would have gladly gone for the powder.  Truthfully, I don't think bravelle was on my insurance list.

We are just hoping for a few good eggs.  If our pockets allow, we'd also like to genetically test them, but that's definitely counting the chickens before they hatch. (I just rolled my eyes at myself)

Next Wednesday, I have an appointment to see the man who will likely chop up my uterus.  Wednesday night, I'll probably drink margaritas and cry.  Ain't life grand?

By the way, I probably spelled all of those medications wrong.  I paid enough for them to disrespect the spelling any way I like.

The Suckers Are Back!

"I'll become an expert at butt massages by the end of the day."

That is the quote of the day from my beloved husband.  We went back to the Witch Doctor today.  I know. I know.  To borrow part of an expression from "Brokeback Mountain", I just can't quit her.

We have decided to go for a fresh IVF in the fantastic month of March.  At the moment, my period is one day late.  I was kind of mad about that, until I spoke with Witch Doctor.  The timing could work out so that I don't have to take Birth Control pills this time.  Hooray!

We didn't really want to talk about the previous cycle because I'm pretty sure we both believe my failure to take my thyroid meds torpedoed that situation.  Anyways, I've been popping those pills since the big fat negative.  Witch Doctor drew my blood to test the TSH levels again.  We are hoping that they are in the 2 range so I don't have to change medication.

It's been weeks since my last progesterone shot and I still have some surface butt soreness.  I asked Witch Doctor about it and she told me that I may need to go to a masseuse to request a butt massage.  Hubby was more than happy to volunteer his free services.  He later dropped that gem of a quote above on me: "I'll become an expert at butt massages by the end of the day."  But I digress...

Even though I still think PGS/PGD is a waste of thousands of dollars since chromosomally normal embryos laugh at my uterus and vanish, we will pay for it again.  However, Witch Doctor didn't press for it because she said I've proven that I can make normal blastocysts.  What she didn't mention was I've also proven that really doesn't matter because my four beautiful "blastos" didn't stand a chance.

The Hubs and I are excited.  We didn't get into the details of the protocol because we are waiting for my period to start, but I think I'll probably have the same cocktail: a little Menopaur and Bravelle, mixed with a shot of Human Growth Hormone.

Don't let my excitement fool you though.  I'm still very concerned.  If this one doesn't work, we will have only one more shot on this particular insurance.  Lucky for me, I'm not married to this job, although I am thankful for it.  Soooo, maybe I'll find another place with a new round of IVF coverage waiting for me?  I guess I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself.

It's so funny that after my last retrieval, I told my husband to think about us donating our remaining embryos to help someone else. LOL!  I needed every one of those damn things.  This time I'm just hoping to get a good number of healthy eggs that fertilize.  Here's to hoping one of them will stick and grow, right?


WALLY AND ROXIE UPDATE:

My dogs are absolutely crazy.  Roxie loves Wally:-)  Our puppy is four months old.  He has all of his shots and he'll begin obedience classes this Sunday (thank the Lord).  He is super energetic and curious.  I can't keep up with him, which is a good thing.  I think I've mentioned before that I lost five pounds after getting him.  Roxie is getting skinny too:-)  The Hubby and I enjoy working together to find ways to entertain him.  I think Wally is the reason I didn't gain weight during the last transfer.  Now, if the trend continues for the next retrieval, I'll love that dog forever.

I would include a new picture of my pack, but I don't really have one that I like.  They are always moving fast and my camera moves slow:-(