Making A List

I guess I need to write things down to hold myself accountable. So here it goes.

1. Get records from Florida

2. Dig up details about my surgery. (The surgeon gave it to me.  I just don't know where I packed it.)

3. Call insurance : I can't believe I actually followed through and called.  Thank the Lord for little miracles.  My insurance covers tests and such to diagnose why I'm infertile, but it won't help me get pregnant. That means this chick needs to start saving more aggressively because my insurance is not going to cover IVF etc.  I am still scared to see the ultimate out-of-pocket costs for my HSG. I know my insurance is whack.

The insurance plan I had in Florida was awesome. I made a bit of a mistake when I chose this one. I'll be making a change as soon as open enrollment begins again.

4. Set up HSG   BAM! I set that sucker up, but I am having second thoughts. I'm really afraid that my insurance won't cover an adequate amount. I've been trying to get a competent person on the phone to give me CORRECT information about my coverage, but that is quite difficult because of the time difference and the fact that the reps will straight out lie just to get you off the phone. They don't care that the lie could set you back a grand or more. If I should reach my goal of getting pregnant and having a healthy child, I'd like to have some money left over to raise the little person.

5. Cut back on coffee. ( I got a generous gift card and it has caused my Starbucks habit to explode.)

6. Eh...I'll think of something.

***One week after seeing the doctor and I'm already jumping in with both feet. I'm off to take my pre-natal pill. I'm really hoping it helps my hair and nails grow, even though my research says it won't:-(

Let the medical poking, prodding, testing and guessing begin:-)

Step One: Expensive Vitamins

You see that picture?

In the words of CurlyNikki, one of my favorite bloggers, "what in the entire hell?"

THAT is my $95 bottle of pre-natal pills. No, I am not pregnant and yes, I am still infertile.  However, my recent trip to the girlie doctor and a conversation with my husband, made me realize I have to give this baby making thing another try, before I am physically unable. 

So off I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescription. When the lady told me the price, I almost lost my bladder. I mean, dang! I'd just dropped $47 to gas up my corolla.  Between fuel and vitamins, I spent all my "allowance" for the week. I guess I better eat those groceries in the house. 

I'm afraid to take one of the pills at this point.  I'd essentially be swallowing $3.17 per pill. LOL!  The funny thing is I checked to see if my insurance saved me anything. The receipt had the nerve to say, "your insurance saved you $18." Are you kidding me?

Anyway, I hope this post does not leave you annoyed, as laughing  is the way that I entertain myself when the going gets tough. These pills made me realize I need to do some research ASAP.  I'll be calling my insurance to determine the coverage for my HSG, blood tests etc. I'll adjust my spending and savings accordingly.  Plus, it's almost that time of year when I can change my coverage and I'll do that as well, if it's needed.

Update:  While these $95 vitamins have a wonderful chocolate flavor, I will NOT be repurchasing them.  This homegirl is going to find a cheaper, over-the-counter version, unless my doctor tells me there is a specific reason I need this brand.

Decisions Decisions

I took a step back and stopped blogging and thinking about infertility.  I was wearing myself out! But unfortunately on top of being infertile, I am a hypochondriac. I hadn't been to the doctor for my yearly visit in more than a year. I started to fear that I'd developed more fibroids or some other terrible condition (yes..I'm a drama queen).  I bit the bullet, opened up google and searched for a gynecologist in my area.

I decided that for this visit, I would not talk about babies. I just wanted to get checked and go.  But this Doctor looked at my history and hit me with the hard questions. "What's next for you?" "Do you have siblings (when you're an only child, infertility hurts just a little bit more--I think)?" "Does your husband want children?" "Does your mama want grandchildren?" "Do you get sad?"

What the hell?!!  She was so smooth and fast about it that I was choking back tears before I knew it. I'm so used to the doctors kind of glossing over things, that I hadn't properly prepared myself for this.

She really didn't give me a chance to do my normal..."it's no big deal"speech.  Without ever getting an absolute YES from me, she hit me with pre-natal pills, an order for an HSG (the dye test to check my tubes) and two cards for local infertility specialists in the area.

Before she left, she told me that I needed to hold a baby...MY BABY...and it could happen.  So...just like that, I'm back in this. I was so verklempt that I couldn't tell her that I don't have the emotional strength to deal with this.  I can't spend the next eight years getting probed, prodded, injected and drugged up.

When it comes to my infertility there are two theories warring in the my mind:

1. A baby just isn't in God's plan for you.

2. To believe #1 is using God as a way to accept failure and give up.


With all of that said, the stuff she gave me is sitting on my dresser taunting me waiting for me.  I haven't made a decision. If I go forward, it will mean that I have accepted hope.  There is a funny thing about hope that no one ever wants to talk about. It's a gift and a curse.  If you hold on to it too long you're just plain delusional, but if you realize your hope won't lead to what you want, it could destroy you.  Hope has killed many a people, but like I said, no one wants to talk about it.


Soooo...I guess it's babies or bust?  I'll let you know if I'm brave enough to jump back in.