More Crazy Hope

Each month I latch onto something ridiculous in hopes that it is a sign that I am pregnant.  So get ready because I have a good one for you this time-- It's my dog.  

I was napping on Football Sunday, when I suddenly felt some swift movement.  It was my girl Missy hopping on the bed.  My husband and I were stunned because home girl is not allowed on the bed... anymore.


My husband kept insisting she was worried about me and checking on me. I thought he was nuts.  I figured my girl clearly wanted to feel the comfort of a mattress under her four paws one more time, but then something strange happened.  She got comfortable next to me and let me rub her hair.  Missy is protective, but affectionate is a not an adjective anyone would use to describe her.  When I got up to go to the bathroom, she hopped off the bed and followed me.  She stayed close to me for a good five minutes.  It was pretty obvious that she WAS worried about me.

My husband said she probably thought I was sleeping a bit TOO HARD for a Sunday afternoon (and she may have been right because I did not sleep well that night). BUT YOU KNOW ME!  My mind began spinning.  I just knew she sensed something that nothing else in the world could. I mean the dog is nice to me whenever Aunt Flo rolls around, but who isn't? I'm a demon when the cycle makes the monthly visit.

Just as I was getting cozy at the thought that I might be pregnant and my dog knows it, she dissed me. Yup, the next morning I bent down for a smooch and a pat and she did the normal... turned her head. Soooo that killed that little moment.

So... here's to hoping I'm pregnant.  Eh.

Let's Get To Work

If you live in Florida, you will remember that phrase because it was Governor Rick Scott's slogan for election.  I'm not a fan of his, but I love that phrase.  So with that, duh da duh...

I purchased my expensive-a** ovulation tests and I'm ready to get busy:-)  I need to hop to it and purchase some web cheapies because these things set me back 20 bucks.

So, I hope we are lucky before year ends.  I'm really ready to be pregnant and have a healthy baby.  Until then, I'll continue logging my list of all the things I want for my future pregnant body and my future baby.

Dang it!

Dang It!  I failed to fire up the fertility monitor at the start of my cycle.  Now I have to go out and buy some ovulation predictor kits.  Plus, I need to get something cute.  No performance anxiety this time around.  I'm ready to have some baby-making-fun.

Also, I'm starting to save for Invitro.  I think I am supposed to have twins and since it probably wouldn't happen naturally, I need to go pay for them.  Ha!  You see, people?  This is how I entertain myself.

But seriously, I am starting to save and I will be making a trip to a new Gynie before year's end.  At this moment, I am at peace. I hope it carries on.  I hope it's just not a reaction to Aunt Flo finally leaving for the month:-)

I leave you with a pic of my "special" child: Roxie.  If you look closely, you'll see my big girl in the back-- love her!

Happy Birthday!

Well, I am just days from my 31st birthday.  I am so thankful that I've survived this long on Earth, but... there's always a but... I'm still not pregnant. I still have no children and I'm starting to think I may not ever have one.

Another friend just had her first child and I still have... two dogs.  This really sucks.  My mom was a young mom and I always made fun of the kids with old looking parents.  If I ever have a kid, I will BE one of those old looking parents.  How sad, right?

I asked the hubby if I could get a third dog so I'd feel like I have a new baby, but he said no (ha!).  It's okay though.  I'll celebrate the positives of not having children on my 31st birthday.

1. I don't have to hire a babysitter
2. I can have a nasty hangover and not have to worry about taking care of a young child
3. The husband and I can walk around naked all day long, without setting a bad example for a child:-)

I may not have everything I thought I'd have by age 31, but if the Lord allows me to make it to my big day.  I'm going to doll myself up and enjoy it.  I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE.

Cheers to life:-)

The Irrational

"Can heartburn, two weeks before your period, be a sign of pregnancy?"

Yup! I googled that. I'm not proud of it, but I did it.  I know that once again, there is no chance of pregnancy because I missed the window. BUT I just can't help myself.  Sometimes you just have to admit you're irrational and get a good laugh out of it. Laughter is always better than tears:-) A big, pretty margarita would be even better. Ha!

Here's to another two week wait. I guess it's technically one week for me, at this point:-)

Pick-Me-Up Needed

Bleh!  Two more of my friends/acquaintances have delivered healthy baby girls in the past two months.  I'm trying to keep my promise to celebrate people's joy and not turn it into my personal pity party. BUT IT IS SO DANG HARD.

I wish Baby Center would talk about that. Ugh!  This country pretends that it is changing when it comes to infertility, but it's not.  If your baby talk isn't about dust, angels and a positive pregnancy test, no one wants to talk to you. So, you keep all of your fears, frustrations and failures inside and become ridiculously depressed.  I guess that's why I'm so glad that blogger has provided a space where I can at least have an outlet. But if I'm too negative, no one will want to read it.

So! Here are the things for which I AM thankful:

1. Life
2. Family (especially my hubby)
3. Employment
4. My dogs (Missy & Roxie)

With that said, I will leave you with a picture of Roxie, my 'special' four-legged child:-)

Yup! She's sun bathing... upside down:-)

This strange little dog always makes me smile.

Performance Anxiety

I have always had performance anxiety.  Whenever someone expects something great from me, I just can't meet the expectation.  I guess I have this underdog mentality. If you say I can't do it, then dang it, I want to do it better than anyone else can.

Soo... with that said, here's my issue. I want a baby sooo badly, but I have a real and sincere issue with baby making time.  Because I'm expected to be in the mood, I can't get in the mood. It takes the fun out of it and I have to be honest: a lot of the time we miss the actual "special" time because, for lack of a better term, I can't get IT (my libido) up.

I've spoken with my husband about this. He tries his hardest to talk some sense into me, but I just... can't.  I'm pretty much like this about every part of my life. BUT now I am starting to annoy myself. How can I get my angel child, if I can't do this simple thing. Why is it easier for a crackhead to have a child than me? Ugh! Why is this so hard?!

Now that I've delved into the personal and probably grossed someone out, let's think of something pretty and simple, like grapes:-)